Breaking Hearts, One Mini-Video at a Time

A Day in the Life of a Baby Borg

...there was a little pug torture going on, but that's a little more difficult to capture with my camera. Those dogs move quick when Ryan starts after them, or I guess when he starts swinging at them.
Today was quite the productive day. Grocery shopping...check. Taxes...check. Laundry...check. Ryan ready for daycare...check. Tommorow we only need to get the boy a backpack and then it's gonna be a day filled with football and junk food. Go Cardinals!

When it Stops Being Weird, and Starts Being Normal Life Again

We have finally picked out and enrolled Ryan in daycare...yay. I felt like throwing up and hyper-ventilating a little. I hate daycare. The one we chose is nice though. They allow Ryan to attend part time and also do half days, which is great seeing how Shane works nights and I work days. The people are friendly and his teacher is very good with the kids. They put him in the older kid class because he is so big and he is already starting to crawl and he can pull himself up to a standing position. I told them that I didn't want him in the baby room because he wont just lay around...he likes to move around, crawl and throw things. And he's a bit of a screamer! While we were there, a few of the kids already took a liking to Ryan. There is a boy in his class that is about his age and I think they will be good friends. As hard as this has been, I know it's just another part of being a parent. It was bound to happen sooner or later, I guess I was always hoping it would be later than sooner. The past few weeks have being filled with a lot of thinking about all that has happened the last 6 months. Stay at home mom...or just unemployed? I realize now that as financially secure as you think you are, its still probably best to have two incomes. Not so I can go shopping at Williams Sonoma or whatever every weekend, but just in case something ever happened to one of those incomes. I have decided that as weird as it all feels right now, the only way it will feel normal is to just let time pass...soon it will become normal life again.

Our Saving Grace

I excepted a job offer today...so that's great(of course the offer is pending until I pass a background and drug test). I love my new boss, she is the exact opposite of the one I used to have. I'm excited to see what its like to go to work and actually like the people you work for. So now I'm off to find an acceptable daycare for Ryan. Our friend Kristi is gonna take him for at least one day during the week, so he will only be in daycare two days a week...not too bad. One of the girls that I will be working with has a red haired son Ryan's age, I'm hoping for some red headed play dates. I cant wait for him too meet some new friends. Tomorrow will be spent taking drug tests and buying a new "post having a baby" work wardrobe. The office is casual. That's what she said...casual, not business casual but casual. Great for me; casual looks the best on me. Do you think that means I can where my polka dot pajama pants?

Sick Baby Update: Ryan is getting sicker by the day. His chest is starting to rattle really bad and he strains to inhale. Watching your baby struggle to catch his breath is horrible. He now moans when he cries and gasps for air. I can't wait for this to be over. On a happier note: Ryan has only thrown up a few times since he has been on his new tummy medicine. It is definitely a huge improvement from before.

Back to the Doctor!

Ryan is sick! I took him to see Sara, at the doctors office today after having a fever and horrible cough last night (horrible is putting it lightly, we were almost in the emergency room!!). The doctor says he has RSV which, it turns out, is a highly contagious respiratory virus. He is on breathing treatments and quarantined until further notice. We will check back with her in 2 weeks. Also, while we were there, I talked again about Ryan's constant puking and she finally prescribed something for it. It only took 6 months to get it out of her. And actually the P.A., Sara, wore her down. He threw up 3 times in there office alone...and that was just this visit. She said he is growing just fine, but we can try the meds to see if it helps. I almost cried.

<-- I heart this shot of Ryan. You know about 1/2 second after this picture was shot, those rocks went right into his mouth. Then he took a few moments to put them up his pant leg. I took it using a Canon EF 135mm L. It's a professional lens, and it's one of the nicer ones in the arsenal. The only bad part about it is that its my dads and not mine, and that really sucks.

Photogging: Maricopa, Arizona

It was a fun photography day with my dad. I know he was pretty warn out when he left my house, I ran him all over this small town of mine...but we took some really great pictures.

Music to My Ears

What could possibly be more fun than walking into a toy store and picking out anything you want? Well, placing the new toys on the floor with a 6 month old boy and watching him bang his head into a little plastic piano. Ahh...music to my ears.

Ryan is starting to crawl...finally...for the second time. Which just seems to induce more crying and whining because he gets frustrated We bought him a few new toys to get him going a little bit faster. I'm so excited to see what this fun new milestone brings. I cant wait to find puddles of spit up hiding in every corner of the house.

Nobody Cares What I Think...

I was thinking about something last night and decided to share it. I was telling Shane about one significant change that I have noticed in myself since I have become a mom. Before Ryan came along our dogs were our life. They were like our children, even though I still love my little pigs to death, they are not my children anymore. I used to watch movies and would never get sad when a child was hurt or would die. It was always the dog that I felt bad for. I remember saying numerous times, before Ryan was born, that I didn't know if I could love him more than my dog, Brady. (I want everyone out there to know that I know how awful that sounds...I'm just sharing my experience. Please don't think I'm a horrible by blogging this!)
I was watching a TV show the other day where a mother was refusing to vaccinate her two younger children because her oldest son had autism, and she felt that the vaccines were the cause. One of the boys ended up dying from the measles, which was the result of her not properly vaccinating her child. I was literally weeping; a sobbing mess. I thought to myself...OK, I get it.
To get to my point, I truly believe that a mothers relationship with her son is something really special. Its nothing like the father daughter dynamic (although its is also very special its not the same), I know this because I have a dad and well I'm his daughter. Before having our son, I never really understood the mothers role. Growing up without one myself, I just didn't get it. Not that I regret not having a mother, I think it better prepared me for what could happen if I ever checked out. My dad did a fantastic job all by himself, and sometimes a happy home is much better than living in an unhappy, unbroken, but actually "broken" home.
Before having a baby, people always say "You just don't understand until you have one or you have no idea." Blah blah...and as self righteous as that sounds coming from other first timers, its true. You cant understand this type of love until you have experienced it first hand, it's that black and white. Being pregnant and actually being ready are two complately different things. You can be pregnant and be ready to be a parent, but I think that the maternal instincts don't actually kick in until you are standing there, the kids staring at you, and is completely dependant on you for everything. Something just clicks. It is the feeling of not believing that the hospital let you bring this baby home, how do they know that you can take care of this thing? Parenthood is sooooooo much harder than I ever thought it would be. Of course, I have the hang of it now. But in the beginning, its constant second guessing and the fear of just not knowing. I was prepared to be a mom, but looking back, I don't think I was ever emotionally ready. I had all of his wardrobe, diapers, toys and gear bought and ready to go months before he was here. But I still doubted being capable of raising another human being. I know some of my friends still look at me, after 6 months, and think to themselves "why is she doing that? or That's not the right way to do that." I wish I could tell people to go have one, then you will understand, but I don't think that would be the right thing for them in most cases. I know my kid better than ANYONE, that includes his father. I spend ever waking second with my kid...day in and day out.
My advice to any new first time mom or anyone that is thinking about having a baby...I have no advice for you. Your friends, your mom, your sisters...They don't either. Every kid is different. And thank God for it!! I would hate for my child to be just like yours and I hope you feel the same. I can share my experiences but everything I went through most likely wont be your same experience. I'm by no means an expert and I don't claim to be...I take everyday one day at a time. That's what works for me.
So any who, I am blessed to have the honor of being Ryan's mom. I'm so proud of what we made and how great we are raising him. And as I sit here, and listen to him cry in his crib because he doesn't want to nap, I know that he is safe and we have the best relationship. He will grow up to be a good man and husband. And he will always love his mommy.

This is in NO WAY intended to be hurtful to anyone. This is not directed at anyone in particular. This is just my experience and feelings that I wanted to share. This is a public website and I am entitled to my opinions. Freedom of speech and God Bless America!!

Happy 6 Month Birthday!

It's been the best 6 months of our lives!!

Trip to the Wildlife Zoo

We had a lot of fun at the zoo today, but you can tell that Ryan really loves the fish. He slept through most of the other animals. Click on the pictures to see it larger.

Carson and the Arizona Cardinals!

How to Build a Fear Cage

I need to tell everyone out there about the best day ever. It all started yesterday, Saturday, when we took Brady and Joey to the groomer to get washed and have their nails trimmed. My dogs hate having their nails trimmed, I'm sure they would rather be neutered all over again! Joey is by far the WORST. Brady, doesn't like it, but give him a piece of ham...and he'll put up with it. No big deal. I walked in to check on the dogs and the lady at the desk said " well, you see, what happened...umm...Joey wouldn't let us cut his claws. He just keeps tucking and rolling. Both me and the bather tried and he just wont let us do it!" And I said back to her "He wont let us do it, THAT'S WHY WE ARE PAYING YOU TO DO IT!" Shane decided he has had enough. After a few drinks last night, Shane devised a plan...to build a box that will be used to immobilize the dog, and allow Shane to trim his nails. I am calling it a "Fear Cage" because...well keep reading.

1. Precisely measure the dog or animal that you wish to put in the Fear Cage. Draw out an exact blueprint of the cage, make sure to use life like drawing of the animal like the one shown in the picture below.

2. Go to your local hardware store and pick up the necessary lumbar and tools that you may need. (i.e. wood, saw, drill, sander and duct tape) Luckily, we already had the power tools needed, thanks again for the wonderful Christmas gifts Heather. Set up a really strong workbench similar to the one shown below. Make sure you wear safety glasses! SAFETY FIRST!!

3. After you have cut all of your sides and supports, you then want to cut out holes for the dogs legs to dangle from as the box is being suspended between 2 trash cans. make sure the holes are even and spaced properly like the ones shown below.

4. Now, you are going to need to test your cage to make sure that the dog will fit. You may need an assistant for this portion of the project because most likely your dog is going to FREAK OUT and try to claw your eyes out. Place your dog into the Fear Cage on top of your sturdy workspace (2 dumpsters placed close together) like the pictures below.

5. At this point in the project you have come to a good stopping place. Your wife is laughing at you uncontrollably and telling you she knew it wouldn't work and that she told you so. Put the tools down and just walk away.

After all of this, Shane still insists that it will work once he puts the walls up and builds a lid. I think that it failed miserably, and the dog is not going to better cooperate when it looks and feels more like a coffin. I guess its gonna have to be just a work in progress...I will keep you all updated.